…according to the West Midland Police’s poster- yes, it can.
Few weeks ago I came across this poster at a bus station, which made me stop and think:
When I was younger, I decided not to give money to homeless people- for exactly this reason: I didn’t want to be responsible for somebody’s drug or alcohol induced illness or even death. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to help them- when they asked me for money I’d offer to buy food . And most of the time they accepted with , I believe, genuine gratitude. If they didn’t and pressed for money, I wouldn’t give them any as for me it was an indicator at that time, that money may be spent, indeed, on some more or less legal substances and I didn’t want to be part of it. I was trained in making assumptions about homeless people as often as any other average Joe.
In recent years I noticed some changes in my attitude towards homelessness and homeless people. I stopped waiting for people ask me for money or food, I’ve become more proactive, especially during autumn and winter periods. I’ve started buying hot food and drinks and approach any homeless people in my vicinity and just offer them a hot breakfast or lunch, or I’d stop and ask if they needed anything. And when I asked, do you know what the most common answer was? No, not money. ‘A bottle of pop.’
The other day I came across a young homeless woman. I asked if she needed anything from a shop- she said she had food, so she just wanted a bottle of pop. Apart from the drink, I also bought her antibacterial hand gel as I thought being on the streets often meant eating with dirty hands . I had a short chat with her after, asked her if she needed anything else and she showed me her shoes full of holes and about to fall apart. She needed a pair of shoes, size 8, and asked if I knew anyone wearing that size. Well, as a matter of fact, that’s my shoe size too. She told me she’d seen a pair for a fiver, but she didn’t have money to get them. I didn’t have cash on me, but if I did, that was the moment when I think I’d feel a bit reluctant to give it to her , so I offered I’d buy her shoes, which she accepted. Following her strict guidance, I only spent a fiver and it took me only extra half an hour on my way back home! And I really enjoyed helping her. Let me get it straight- of course I had a plethora of different thoughts such as ‘what if she exchanged the shoes for drugs/alcohol? etc. (assumptions! ) , but seriously, who am I to judge her ?! I’m not in her- no pun intended- shoes, I don’t know her story, I don’t understand how it feels to live on the streets and try to survive there. Observing my train of thoughts without judging helped me let go of them and enabled me just to be there for her, helping out and enjoying the process.
I realised that, from financial and ‘time-wise’ points of view, it’d be much cheaper (!) and ‘hassle-free’ to just give homeless people 20p or 50p (I do it very occasionally ) and carry on with my life, but I want to pay more attention to fellow human beings. I’ve enjoyed having a chat with some of them – I believe they are phenomenal teachers in the School of Life and sometimes they humble me. But I’m also guilty of ignoring people sometimes or feeling bad for refusing to give any money, especially if I’d already bought food for someone else that day. I do sometimes struggle to draw a line of when to help and when to leave it. I also wrote about this issue in my post few weeks ago.
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What really struck me when I read that poster was this rather strong suggestion, that money ‘can go to buy drugs or alcohol‘. And I get it, it sometimes might indeed. But my immediate reaction to it was “what if ‘your money can go to buy food‘?” Is it ok to just assume that money can be spent only on those substances? Doesn’t this poster label all/most homeless people as potential drug and alcohol abusers? Are there not enough labels on them already? Shouldn’t there be more on such posters to encourage people to help in more direct ways too, i.e. by buying a homeless person a hot drink or a pair of socks? Wouldn’t that be promoting kindness on an individual level too, instead of just leaving helping out to charitable organisations, which budget and funding have already been cut? Wouldn’t such encouragement help to rebuild communities and reestablish human connection? This imbalance doesn’t sit with me comfortably I must admit…
As as said before, I have no idea how it feels to live on the streets, how it feels not to be able to shower and eat on regular basis, I just simply don’t know…And I hope I’ll never find out! But I’m not the one to judge homeless people or choices they make. But perhaps I can offer something which can make their day a bit better. I can’t stop thinking about those people when I go to bed every night, especially on a cold night and I just can’t comprehend how they might be feeling. I then feel even more grateful for what I have and feel more compassionate towards homeless people, which then spurs me on wanting to do more for them. I’m getting more and more interested in their situation and I’ve got several ideas currently brewing in my head about what else I can do to help… I won’t share them now though 😉
So the Police Force and charities may have different, and perhaps more informed, approach to issue of homelessness, but I don’t think that this should stop us to reach out to our brothers and sisters on the streets or to stop us to treat them like they deserve to be treated- as fellow human beings.
What do you think? Is it possible to kill with kindness? Should potential risks or risky outcomes that may come alongside reaching out to others be enough to stop helping or limit amount of help we offer ?
(P.S. As I was writing my post, I came across this article, which I can relate to: It’s not wrong to give to homeless people-it’s human. )
I like what you have written and how kind you are being to fellow humans. So many people and I for one ignore homeless people cos they/I feel guilty for not helping. You have inspired me to talk with them and see what they need. Thank you it brings me peace of mind.
Let’s spread the word and hopefully our friend’s and family may start giving to homeless people objects they need to help make their day a bit more bearable.
Love you gorgeous girl. Xxx
Thanks, Sophie, for such lovely comment 🙂 I’m also guilty of not always helping or not helping much, but I’d like to do something, even just a little bit. It’s really humbling to be having conversation with a homeless person.
Yes, let’s spread the word! For me it’s important that there’s some help from an individual member of the society, not just authorities or charities.It’s not just about giving things or money- it’s about human connection, acknowledging and empowering one another. If you read comment below written by my friend, Karina, she gave some tips and shared her valuable experience of working with homeless people- I’m hoping to learn from that too. Thanks again, Soph! x
Also thanks for showing compassion and helping someone. The world need more people doing this
Thanks for your kind words 🙂 And also thanks for your suggestions re our care packages 🙂 x
Good post 😊 I have to agree that people who are homeless are given many labels. It’s a shame really. I don’t like to give money over to people. I have done like you & bought a man from the city centre some trainers and socks. It was winter and his toes were poking out the sides of his trainers ☹️ I spoke to him & he was saying he had been homeless for many years and didn’t have any intention of changing that – he was a lovely bloke so it’s a shameful to think he preferred this life (I actually seen him 2 days ago in the city – 9 months on and still asking for money) A fact is that some people actually preferred being on the streets than under a roof, sad but true.
Cheers, Kez! Cool to see that we’ve been doing similar things 🙂 Yes, I’ve also heard that some people choose to live on the streets, but I guess they have their reasons for that. Thanks for taking time to read and comment 🙂
This is a very thought-provoking post, Karina. I’ve struggled with this issue myself, and often dealt with it in a similar fashion. I understand where that poster was coming from, but I think in an effort to grab people’s attention, it contributes to the stigma around homelessness in a way that’s not helpful.
Thanks for reading and your comments, Amanda 🙂 Charitable organisations are needed and are extremely valuable,but I also think that they shouldn’t be the only ports of call for help or be the only establishments responsible to supporting those in need. I’d love to see people working with each other, providing just, you know, every day support- a smile, a cup of hot, a sandwich- whatever little thing- and just rejoice in human connection. And I’d like to see the authorities supporting and encouraging it too, especially if they care about rebuilding communities and mutual trust. And I’m very much up for that! There’s enough stigma already- and not just regarding homeless people, so posters like that, as you said, perhaps distributed to draw attention, seem to be doing homeless people disservice by deepening that stigma. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
I commend you on your compassion and agree that promoting kindness is the best possible thing we can do. There is a lot of confusion and chaos in this society and loving-kindness can cure everything if we collectively practice it. Kindness doesn’t necessarily mean giving money as you point out. Sometimes a homeless person just wants someone to talk to. If they are uncomfortable giving money, they could give a hug, chat with them or buy them some food or clothes. I’m all for reaching out to our brothers and sisters some of whom experience horrible suffering. Yes it’s easy to just give money. Giving our time is actually much more valuable. Learning to discern who is actually suffering and developing a clear idea of the best possible way of how to help them is part of wisdom. So is maintaining boundaries and not trying to “save everybody”. Giving from the heart has the power to transform the world. I really get a strong sense your desire to help others from what you wrote and hope you can find the best possible way to do this in your life.
Thanks, Robert, for your comments 🙂 Loving-kindness is what we need now indeed. And a lot of it too! Thanks for taking time to read and comment- appreciated 🙂
Thank you so much for this great post. I am seeing more and more homeless people in my area, so this story feels close to home.
Being curious about homelessness and wanting to better understand how people end up on the streets, I started volunteering for a homeless charity every Christmas, before I left for China. The charity is called Crisis – have you heard of it? Maybe it’s London-based, I don’t know.
Anyway, what I understand is that homelessness is something that largely affects men* who, when faced with particular situations are unable or unwilling to reach out for support. This inadvertently means they get into deeper trouble, which then leads to things like drinking and drug-taking in order to cover the shame, which often resolves itself as debt, marriage failure and/or unemployment.
Crisis gave me the opportunity to interact with homeless people and learn about their stories. Most people were very intelligent, previously had well-paid jobs and even families of their own. But for one reason or the other, they fell down on their luck, and ended up homeless.
One thing I took away is to look at homeless people in the eye when walking by. As in, it’s very common to rush past and not even look at the person who is calling out to you. By looking and saying something, even if it is to say you don’t have any change, is acknowledging the person exists, which is a very basic need we can all give.
I do often consider what is the best way to help – give change, have a chat or something else? I used to do a lot of runs for charity, which I hope had a small impact. Now I’m not sure about the best way forward, but I thank you for your ideas Karina!
Ultimately what everyone needs is regular care, assurance and love. But how best to deliver that? The projects where people give free hugs come to mind. It’s so fundamental, the human touch. But is it safe to try out? I don’t know. But I am looking forward to hearing you other ideas, if you are willing to share them, K.
*Of course there are homeless women, but they make up 30% or less.
P.S. I have so much more to say on the subject, but I thought that I should leave some space for others to make comments!
Wow, thanks for such detailed and very insightful reply 🙂 I learn more about you! I’ve heard that one of my former employers opened a homeless shelter in town and they’re looking for volunteers- I’m going to look into that. Thanks for the tip- yes, a simple thing like looking at someone can make such a huge difference 🙂 Thanks again x
Your post karina made me think of a dad I worked with. He was homeless for 7 years and I will never forget him telling me of a time whereby he woke up one morning after sleeping on a bench with 4 inches of snow around him, and talked of pushing the snow away. He said that the only way he survived was to be so high on drugs or so inebriated to survive this. He also talked of getting himself into trouble to be ‘thrown into a cell’ at night. Perhaps the poster should have said ‘let’s offer you some kindness’, talk to a homeless person, they must have been pretty desperate to be in this position. I could go on for hours about the way we let our fellow humans down, ie lack of support, housing, health etc and not to mention our ex service men! By the way my dad turned his life around but only with the support of an associate who let him sleep on his lounge floor for a long time. See he was helped with kindness.
Thank you for your comments, Lynne! It’s so easy to judge people without even trying to put themselves into somebody else’s shoes. I’m shocked how the authorities spread such message without suggesting other solutions than giving money to charities. There must be some balance! If we are to rebuild communities and reestablish human connections, then, well, we need to start with human connections! I don’t think that the burden (?) of helping other should solely lie with charities- as you said, they struggle as it is and trying their best. I agree with you, a simple act of just exchanging few words or offering someone a hot drink/meal really matters. Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts 🙂 x