I know I can’t save the whole world,but…

This is what happened to me today. I was meeting my friend in the city centre. As I was waiting for him, I noticed a woman and a man on the other side of the street. The man couldn’t walk properly- he clearly had issues with taking a single step straight, was very wobbly on his feet, but somehow managed to get to a bus stop with the woman. The woman was trying to give him a cigarette, but he wasn’t really able to get it off her. He dropped his plastic carrier bag too as seemed not to be able to hold anything either. From where I was standing, he looked potentially highly intoxicated- booze, drugs- no idea.  The woman left him at that bus stop a moment later. He then started losing his balance, was trying to prop himself by holding the bench at the bus stop. At that point I felt turmoil inside and started having conflicting thoughts: should I ring for an ambulance/police or not? Should I just run to  the Children’s hospital which was several meters away and ask for help there or not? I looked around- no one seemed to be doing anything and didn’t look even slightly concerned- people just watched. As I watched him losing balance even more- by then he hunched over the seat- I decided I wasn’t going to leave him like that.  I didn’t want to run to that hospital as didn’t want to lose the sight of him, so I pull out my mobile and rang emergency services and asked for an ambulance. As I was on a phone with the ambulance service, few people approached us to… look. Some of them were homeless people who seemed to know of that guy. Some gave me his nickname and told me he was known to smoke ‘mamba’. I was relaying all the info to the ambulance service. A coffee shop worker (this bus stop was in front of a coffee shop) came out and gave me a leaflet, so I could provide the ambulance with the postcode. I kept asking any person who was near me whether they knew the guy etc. I was having rather challenging time talking to the ambulance dispatch lady as she was asking me questions I wasn’t able to answer, i.e. whether he was known to have diabetes, how old he was etc. I felt I was losing my patience with her, although I understood why she was doing it- she also then explained she needed to give the ambulance crew as much info as possible. But I think I know what it was- I was feeling scared. It was strange to have made such decision and although I felt it was the right thing to do, I was scared that I wasn’t handling the situation well enough and felt a bit embarrassed about it.  I didn’t approach the guy straight away when he was still with the woman and didn’t ask if he was ok (although I was thinking about it), but I was scared. And I was thinking that I should’ve been more decisive, more assertive in my approach to the situation, but I wasn’t. Yet, I made that call. And I feel it was the right thing to do despite some of the homeless guys saying that the guy was wasting people’s time and resources as he was known to have been smoking ‘mamba’. But I just couldn’t let it go. It was him hunching over that bench at the bus stop that made me really worried- what if he fell over and hit his head on the pavement? What if he fell over, fell asleep and choked on his own vomit should he started vomiting? I just couldn’t not do anything. I saw my friend passing me by in his car, but I could only wave to him and indicated I was on the phone. The ambulance came and a paramedic took over- I checked with her if I could go now. Left my phone number and name with the dispatch person and left. My friend managed to park his car and came to the scene too. I told him what had happened. Then noticed how much I was shaking, mostly inside. We talked about helping people who seemed to look intoxicated- when is the right time to help, when is time to let go and accept their decisions? I don’t know the answer- I don’t know if one,correct answer even exists- I think all depends on that particular moment and situation we face. And I think thinking about personal safety isn’t a bad thing either.

When I was chatting with my friend in the car, I suddenly had this realisation. Only few weeks ago I went to Warsaw, Poland. It was the first time I was going somewhere new, so I left earlier to ensure I had enough time to find the place. As I was in a metro station, just about to insert my ticket and get onto the platforms, I heard this scream behind me. I turned around and saw two women by the escalators- one was on the floor, clearly having fallen down. I looked for a moment and realised that the other woman was struggling to get the one on the floor up. I abandoned my plan of getting on a train and ran to help. I ended up dragging the woman off the escalators as she couldn’t get up having one of her feet still on the moving stairs. She hit and cut her head, she was bleeding, but she was conscious and able to talk to us. I could also smell alcohol on her. We took her aside and I said we would need to ring for an ambulance as she had hit her head. But the woman didn’t want to hear about it and was begging us not to. We tried to convince her that she needed medical attention. I asked the other helper if she could do it as I didn’t have a Polish mobile phone. We managed to convince the injured woman to give us a telephone number to her estrange husband who could potentially help her. Another passer by arrived. She wasn’t as diplomatic as we were- she properly told the injured woman off for not letting us ring the ambulance! I admired her for coming across so decisive and self-assured in her actions. After a short update, the third woman rang for the ambulance. In meantime I was dealing with the injured woman and also her husband who was then on the phone and  wanted to speak to me. Luckily the metro workers arrived with the first aid kit and having assured me they would stay with the woman till the ambulance arrived, I could go on my way.

I thought about that incident in Poland in the car today. I said to my friend that maybe I had to come across that guy today and made decisions on my own-and much faster than I had done in Warsaw. Maybe that was my lesson for today. And I thought that it was ok to feel scared as I was taking decisions for another person and I was on my own.

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I look at this today’s situation now and at the moment it feels a bit surreal. But it still feels like I’ve done the right thing.

I always had this urge to save everyone, ensure they’re not hurt, shield them (yeah, I did it too- literally!) from harm even when I sacrificed myself or my well-being. I know I’m unable to save the whole world. But where and when I do stop?Should we help strangers even if they don’t want us to help? When do we draw a line and let go and let them face consequences of their actions? Are there really straightforward answers to those questions?

13 Replies to “I know I can’t save the whole world,but…”

  1. Hi yes those questions are hard to answer but even if. That person never seeked help your caring spirit left with him …. I am like that aswell i have a thimg were people promblems are mines and that too lot of people get the help and not even a thanks etc ..but once again the caring spirit is contagious ..they too will be in a perdicament to help someone .. Hard to explain ..but you are blessed and the work of. God never sleeps or takes rest .. Stay bless …

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I agree with you- kindness is contagious, so let’s spread it 🙂 Best wishes!

  2. Hi Karina, Thanks for your inspirational anecdotes. So much courage and care for fellow wo/man!

    From what I have gathered on the topic of saving the world, is that once one can save oneself thoroughly enough, everyone else becomes saved by default.

    I suppose that doesn’t really seem applicable to your examples, but it could mean that ensuring your mind and body are not being harmed excessively in amongst all of the ‘chopiness’ is a first priority.

    That then becomes a guide in deciding how many sea turtle hatchlings you can help as they scramble through the turbulent surf and past the waiting hungry birds – ensuring that you do not yourself end up in search of ‘mamba’ (or shades thereof) because of what it did to that guy.

    Stay strong. It’s just nature – the big bang and so forth.

    1. Thanks for stopping by and for your comments 🙂 Self-care is indeed important. Thanks for this wise simile 🙂

  3. You followed a clear message from your heart to help which I think many choose not to follow, It’s hard to help “correctly” when we don’t know how or face resistance. I guess taking a first aid class could help a bit just for yourself in such situations to perhaps to get an idea what to do or when to call for help. But ultimately, we need to help each other. The world is crying for that. Situations get so out of control because there was no help or support along the way, and then it becomes desperation. I think your helping was correct, but I also don’t know how. You bring up a good point. I like how you stepped forward even though you were not sure how or that is was uncomfortable.

    1. Thanks, Anita 🙂 Yes, I mentioned in one of my replies to comments that such basic need like caring for each other seems to be dwindling, unfortunately. As you know, Ajahn Brahm talks a lot about the need to care for others. Here, in the UK, it happened in the past that people, who tried to help strangers got into troubles themselves, ie were arrested or accused of something that they hadn’t done. I can understand, from that perspective, why people can be a bit apprehensive to help when they feel unprotected and vulnerable themselves. I think that Rebecca has made few excellent points in her comment about our own safety. Thanks for reading and taking time to reply 🙂

  4. Good for you! It is hard to make those decisions sometimes when we’re in public, dealing with people we don’t know that are in unfavorable situations.

    To answer your questions:

    1. Where and when I do stop?
    You stop when you feel you’ve done all you can. When your gut tells you your work there is done. It will be different in each situation.

    2. Should we help strangers even if they don’t want us to help?
    Assuming your safety is not of concern; you are relatively certain the person will not be of harm to you, yes. Help whenever you can. Sometimes people go through moments when they feel they have too much to bear at one time and get overwhelmed. People deal with that in different ways. You never know what a person an accomplish in a life-even if at one point they’d given up. Allow them to have that opportunity by thinking about their best interest even when they can’t or won’t. They may thank you later for it (either in person, or to themselves if they don’t know how to reach you).

    3. When do we draw a line and let go and let them face consequences of their actions?
    When you’ve literally done all you can do or your safety becomes an issue.

    Thank you for this post and the questions at the end- it was interesting to really sit down a moment and think about it and share my perspective. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Rebecca, for reading and taking time to reply with such passion and with so many great reflections 🙂 As I was reading your reply, it struck me today that perhaps- just perhaps- this man may feel one day that for that particular brief moment, someone cared for him. I wasn’t even thinking about this when I rang for an ambulance, I just wanted to make sure he had some medical attention. It’s so important that we care for each other as human beings and it’s sad that such basic human need seems to be dwindling… I’m also not without guilt here as probably there had been times where I should’ve done something, but I hadn’t. But it’s important to learn a lesson or two. Thanks again for stoping by!

  5. I’m sure you thought this when you remembered what happened in Poland, but the universe hands us situations over and over and over again until we learn the lesson the situation is providing.
    Some situations speak to us to help. Some, there are clear lines that let you know that’s not the right thing. I think you listening to your intuition on what situation is asking for your help will guide you to the correct situations to insert yourself.

    Loved your story!

    1. Thanks, Meg! Yes, after the event, I felt like I was taught another lesson. The helped me to worked through my fear and also not to be scared to follow my instinct. I hope that this guy is ok now. Appreciate your comments 🙂

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