” (…) when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough”…then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.” /Brene Brown/
In the last several months, I’ve been going through some kind of transformation. I don’t know exactly what it is and I don’t care really as the most important thing for me now is that I love it and I feel it’s been an extremely powerful and positive experience for me. Despite experiencing some pain and emotional discomfort. But I call it a ‘ growing pain’ and I accept it. I’ve written several pages of what’s been going on for me and wrote down what has been popping into my mind, or heart rather, during my meditations and morning pages . This is a compilation of a couple of powerful ‘revelations’ I’ve experienced in recent months.
It wasn’t an accident that I started this post with a quote from Brene Brown’s famous TED Talk ‘The power of vulnerability’. It’s one of these talks I come back to again and again and again…. And there’s always something new that I notice or something different that resonates with me at any given time. Brene Brown brought up the issue of being ‘enough’, something, that according to her decades of research, has been a problem for lots of people. Including me. ‘Being enough’ doesn’t always stare in our faces- on contrary- it creeps up unnoticed and settles in the deepest depths of our hearts and souls. No one can easily spot it. No one can easily remove it. It’s something that becomes a part of us. So little, yet powerful enough to often dictate how we feel, behave, speak, think, live…. For a very long time I believed that I’m not enough either. And when I made this discovery I was pleased as at least ‘I could do something about it’, right? So my logical mind decided to ‘sort everything out’, no problem. First step, I need to acknowledge that there’s no way I can attract ‘good things’ in my life or a life partner if I’m not enough. So no point to look for those, right? Acknowledgement wasn’t enough, now I need to take step two and focus on ‘making myself a better person’ first. And I’ve been doing just that- for years now: meditating, mindfulness, reading, listening to talks, talking to people, challenging myself, being happy at work, trying to be happy in life etc. All good, all coming truly from my heart. And….despite tonnes and tonnes of fantastic things that have happened to me over the recent years and groups of phenomenal people I’ve met, I still haven’t felt particularly ‘enough’. So I gave up, just dropped it… What’s the point in trying? And then as I was doing my morning pages few months ago this came up: ‘Maybe I’m already whole?Maybe I’m already enough ? Maybe I don’t need to imagine I need more to be able to couple, to attract a partner, to build a solid relationship? I may not be perfect, but I’m enough ! And a big smile appeared on my face 😀 ‘. I suddenly believed myself and in myself . Whatever was coming to life for me that morning was the truth I was looking for for years. I’ve finally accepted it. Brene Brown says that people who love us they don’t love us despite our imperfections, but because of them. And I believe her too.
Assuring for the safety, the medication alleviate effect levitra discount prices of the condition in just a few minutes of intake. The well-known outcomes of buy cialise: headaches, stomach aches, and temporary visual problems (changes in color perception, or light perception as well as those that consume high amounts of alcohol and caffeine-containing products, and follow timed voiding schedules. The gorgeous monasteries, large and cialis canada generico serene lakes and sky-kissing mountains are definitely the major attractions. The Sildenafil Citrate inhibits the PDE 5 enzyme and decreasing the degradation cialis price canada of cGMP.Another of my profound moments happened a couple of months ago, also during my morning pages exercise. I’ve been listening to different Buddhist talks as well as TED talks for years and then I added listening to some podcasts on On Being . One of the most common themes/subjects that I’ve come across was the subject of love. I’m not necessarily talking about romantic love or love that people may feel towards their family or friends, but Love as a concept, as Oneness, ubiquitous quality. I, hmm, loved the idea and blah blah blah, but I don’t think I ever really ‘got it’. And I’m not claiming I totally get it now. However, there was a certain shift happening for me that one morning… It really hit me how much I tend to protect myself, but…. there’s no one to protect really. I’m beyond my body and mind. I expand beyond. I’ve just not connected with this properly yet. If I’m Love, does Love really need to be protected? If I’m not this body or this mind, if I don’t inherently exist, do I need protection? ‘I’ (=ego) does. ‘I’ (=Love) does not. But I’m not sure yet…. Can anyone with a Buddhist knowledge or background help me with this please ? As bonkers as it might have sounded to you, it made sense to me. It resonated and moved from the concept level into my reality: I’ve started shedding layers and layers of unnecessary protection. I’ve started taking more risks, opening my heart more and letting myself be more, well, vulnerable. I’ve started doing more of , what Brene Brown calls, ‘being really seen’, getting more in touch with my Authentic Self. And because now I truly believe I AM ENOUGH, it’s not so scary anymore. And even when I come across those scary moments, I’m still able to find some courage to plough through them and just do my best. I don’t need to do it perfectly or be right all the time, but just do my best at that moment. Now I truly believe that I’ve touched something deep and authentic that has been napping somewhere inside of me under those layers of protection. It’s sometimes nerve-racking , raw and , yes, vulnerable, but it feels good 😀
I’m feeling proud of myself. I am Love. I AM ENOUGH.
Hello and sorry not a Buddhist expert, but I do share a sentiment with this blog, as I read it. For economic reasons, I’ve been a life-long vegetarian, but after I started care-giving an elderly parent and gaining a new perspective on life and death, the inspiration for my diet has been slightly altered into a kind of organic connection with my carbon-based organic self. As my understanding and acceptance of mortality improved, my diet has become as much an expression of my natural connection to the earth. I will one day return to the stardust from which I came; or, less dramatically: I will blend back into the Earth, but while I am in this human form, my diet is distinctively allowing me to feel connected to the soil and water from which my food originates. It feels like I am not only consuming, I am becoming closer to my origin and ultimate destination.
Thanks, Ricky, for sharing some personal story here. I love the expression you used that you ‘will blend back into the Earth’- a beautiful way of looking at the end of a human life. Appreciate you 🙂
You don’t need to watch TED Talks for inspirations or life wisdom. Sometimes you can just get that all from your sister, which is much more authentic and meaningful for the fact of sharing a big chunk of family history together! Thank you!!!
You’re so lucky you have such a sister then- I don’t 😉 But joking aside (well, it’s not a joke that I don’t have a sister), thank you so much for this comment- it really brought a lot of joy and love into my heart xxx
Great Post! I unfortunately do not have the secrets to Buddhism. But would love to know the answer to that question too. So glad to see/hear that your writing and journaling is going well too. Take care.
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment 🙂
Karina, this is such an amazing post, thank you for sharing your journey and your insights on this transformation.
It’s so strange that I’ve felt some changes in my the way I view life and the world, and myself in relation to them. I atributed these changes to turning 40 last year or I thought it might be the influence of the Course in Miracles which I’m reading right now, but now that you say you’ve been going though something sumilar, I don’t know, maybe it’s something in the air, maybe there are some shifts in consciousness on a universal level. Have you thought of what might be the causes of these transformation in you?
Thank you for your thoughts, Teodora, I appreciate you took some time to read and comment 🙂 I’m not sure what the causes might be- it could be that it’s just the right time for things to start falling into place? I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years now, with different outcomes, but it was only when I let go and stopped ‘trying’, my insights appeared. I know that letting go is the key to pretty much everything,yet it’s a challenge for me sometimes. It’s difficult not to have certain expectations, fears, hopes etc. and all of that makes it difficult for me to just let go… I still struggle with it, especially when I’m feeling highly stressed. I’m pleased though that I’ve come to some realisations 🙂