When history is made…let’s talk about PARSNIP

Few weeks ago a colleague of mine , who I used to work with in China, posted  on social media a photo of an advertisement for FOX news found in the Wall Street Journal, with a prolonged and quite poignant commentary. Jason* expressed his concerns that those numbers given in the advert may be true. He went on to say:

‘ Blue collar Americans often tend to listen to FOX news. FOX is very much in favour of Trump and they were viciously anti-Democrat. Until I saw this advertisement I was unaware that FOX was so incredibly popular. We can only hope and pray that Americans will reject Trump and the hateful movement he inspires and blatantly encourages on almost a daily basis’

Having just taught an academic course where critical thinking and critical evaluation were especially focused on, I asked a short question I would have most probably asked my students just couple of weeks before , namely whether those figures might be really believable- it’s a newspaper after all. Little did I know that Jason’s original comment and my simple question would start a very interesting and inspiring discussion, which, as I type, still seems to have its consequences. But I’ll get to that shortly…

Photo: courtesy of Jason.
Photo: courtesy of Jason.

Jason’s reply was long and thought-provoking…He replied he had asked himself the very same  question too, yet his concerns were that those figures might be correct. He carried on talking about how America is currently divided and

‘is heading down the wrong path…’. ‘Even if one is not a citizen of the USA they should still be concerned. The right wing extremism is not isolated to America. I’m not optimistic about the next 3-5 years on the global stage.’

And I think it was this last sentence that caused that I felt this very strong need to defy.  Let’s pause for a second…

I’m currently struggling to accept that there’s lots of shit going on in the world and struggling to accept that people choose not to learn from history. I’m struggling to accept that people seem to embrace this actively imposed divisions, often by the very system that was set up to unite, and they choose to turn a blind eye when others suffer. I’m struggling to accept that some people don’t see that when we’re divided and turned against each other , it’d be easier to manipulate us and to rob us from our humanity. I’m struggling to accept that populism seems to be valued more than facts.  I’m even struggling to accept that I don’t feel so optimistic about the world at the moment either…

Yet this one sentence I read in Jason’s comment sparked something in me and suddenly, almost automatically I felt like my focus shifted from the negativity towards positivity. I acknowledged that indeed some countries in Europe have started observing the rise of right wing – and that includes, sadly, my own country– but I said that I

‘want to remain positive, although am very aware how difficult nearest future might be. It’s a pendulum. And a lot of people started uniting against this [right wing] movement, it’s pertinent to notice, acknowledge and focus on this [positive] side. People have got themselves out from lots of sticky situations, which sadly they’d created themselves in the first place, so I say let’s be hopeful, strong and positive and contribute what we can to what’s good, honest and simply human’.

Then another colleague joined our discussion, also commented on how divided [America] is.  And then I said something that even further impacted on what I’ve been doing, including…my studies. I said

‘ public discourse, not shying away from difficult topics should be actively encouraged. As this doesn’t always come from the authorities, at least in my country, grassroots movements can be the key here. I’m allergic to division…’

And that was the point when another former colleague joined and talked about non-existence of discourse in public life. This narrative was very similar to what Brene Brown said in her ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ talk:

‘The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up. That’s it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There’s no discourse anymore. There’s no conversation. There’s just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.’ 

And then the colleague asked me a very important question: how  would  you encourage public discourse? After further discussion about ‘alternative facts’, abandonment of rules of discourse, fundamentalism and general worrisome times we live in, I said that

‘sadly, I don’t have a magic wand and yes, it’d be extremely difficult to change that. However, there’s nothing that should prevent us from trying to restore that discourse. I can’t change the whole world, but what I can do is to encourage that discourse in my classroom, when I create teaching materials , discuss with students, don’t shy away from difficult and complex issues in the name of political correctness and so on. It’s important to re-learn how to talk and, perhaps even more importantly, how to listen. I can keep trying to do that when I’m teaching and teaching international students is a great place for that’.
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So what happened next? I’ll tell you. I’m currently doing my Master’s degree in English Language Teaching (ELT) and this semester I’m doing a double module: research and materials development. This discussion triggered by Jason’s post led me to start doing a research project on so called taboo topics, or, as they’re known in the ELT world, PARSNIP: politics, alcohol, religion, sex, narcotics, isms (e.g. atheism) and pork.  I really believe that as a teacher I can do my bit and start involving international students in intercultural discourse on potentially sensitive and complex topics and start to (re-)learn how to talk and listen to each other with respect and open mind.  My material development module will also include some of those ‘taboo’ topics . I want to learn how to confidently and respectfully approach PARSNIP , or any other complex/sensitive topics in order to support an ongoing, honest, open-minded and profound discourse. This is going to be my very practical contribution to ‘what’s good, honest and simply human’.

I’ll leave you with some questions to reflect on and, if you choose to do so, please leave your comments below- I’d like to encourage a deep, meaningful and open-minded discussion:

Do you think that avoiding discussions about challenging/sensitive/complex topics in the name of political correctness is a good thing to do?

Shouldn’t we instead start (re)learning how to engage in a meaningful, honest, respectful and open discourse?

What can you do to contribute to revamping honest and open-minded discourse?

What kind of practical steps can you take to help people become (re)united in our universal humanity, far beyond artificially created borders and divisions?

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* Jason is a real name of a real person, who inspired an interesting and I think important online discussion and,  pretty much accidentally,  contributed to my decision-making process regrading my research project. Oh, and he also gave me his consent to use a photo he’d taken and to quote his words. Thank you, Jason 🙂

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**  Few more links:

Brene Brown ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ (TED.com)

Brene Brown’s blog

Poland’s constitutional crisis reaches its climax

Poland’s Leader Finds an Ally in Trump, Even as He Brings Courts to Heel

Unrest continues as Poland’s government moves further to the right

A few bad bricks

Mistakes happen. To everyone. Sooner or later something will go not so great or not as intended and it’s a part of life. These moments are often moments when we can learn, reflect and/or starting again. However, it seems that not everyone deals with mistakes in the same way- some people are more able than others to learn, let go and move on from their mistakes.  Me? Hahaha,  did I say ‘let go’ ? I wish…

For a long time in my life holding onto my ‘wrongdoings’ seemed to be the ‘right thing to do’, often actively encouraged -mostly by a religious organisation- so there was no way I could just let go of them. But that was a long time ago and since then I’ve started learning that it wasn’t a healthy way of dealing with mistakes.

I made a mistake today at work. First I was gobsmacked and then I started physically trembling. I was staring at the screen of my laptop and couldn’t take it all in. I’m very good at what I’m doing (yes, I finally started to believe it!)  and I like my job, so how come could  I make a mistake? This incident  automatically brought back a story about Two Bad Bricks. What bugs me sometimes is the view that  in today’s world some people choose not to see those 198 good bricks also in others , but only focus on those 2 bad ones.  And sometimes they actively look for them and then hold them against you- this can happen in personal life or professional one.  And this can bring about fear, lack of trust and feelings of insecurity.  I realise though that recently my level of anxiety has gone up, hence my view could have also been a bit distorted and things may look bleaker than they really are. It’s good that it’s just a point of view- this can be changed after all.

Soon after my mind started offering me reassurance: ‘it’s ok’, ‘it happens’, ‘it doesn’t matter’ etc. Ok, but I was still trembling… What is it that makes me, and I bet some other people, want to focus on bad rather than good? I felt like my mind wanted me to run away from what my body was feeling, but I decided not to. It wasn’t pleasant, but I chose to stay with it and just accept it. I didn’t want to listen to my mind’s excuses or words of comfort- as much as I’m grateful for those, I needed to face what was happening at that moment. And I did.  Although I’ve already done my  morning pages for the day,  I decided to sit down and write about what I was experiencing.

I’ll, no doubt, lay some ‘bad bricks’  again during the process of building my life, but what if I choose to focus on  those 198  ‘good bricks’ instead? What if I choose to call my ‘two bad bricks’ a feature  and value them more than I do now?

I felt that there was a lesson for me to learn from today’s experience : to stop, to be more present, slow down and…to take a break from work too! And then I felt at peace…

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Links to some talks on letting go:

Four Ways of letting go:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USC5MJVZLy8

When to attach and when to let go?   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_3coMDunIM

Letting go of letting go- Abandoning Attachment:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuuryU-qnSI

Letting go of fearhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8

3.44

I woke up suddenly. It was dark and chilly. Within few short moments I realised I wouldn’t fall asleep again. I looked at a clock: 3.44 am.  Great conditions for my mind to go wild, crazy and self-destructive, I thought. It happened before, too many times. But today I decided it wasn’t going to happen. I chose not to just lie in darkness and let my monkey mind do the rounds in my head as it pleased. I took action. I took my laptop, went on YouTube and typed Ajahn Brahm guided meditation  and randomly chose this meditation – just because….My mind got used to the way I had been meditating for some time now and things weren’t working well for me anymore, so I changed  a couple of things today : my meditation posture and I let myself be guided again.  But before Ajahn, which means ‘a teacher’ in Thai,  started guiding me (and others) through the meditation process, he gave a little talk. He talked about patience and allowing time for the body and mind to slow down and stop and be still and peaceful. Ajahn said he had developed two types of patience:

1.  Waiting on the present moment’: Imagine you’re a waiter in a restaurant and you look after your guests. You’re there, observing, waiting on them not to fast, not to slowly, brining dishes in the right moment, being here when the action happens, not lingering, but being aware what’s going on right now.

Another simile of waiting on the present moment is a simile of being like a host at the party- you greet your guests as they enter your house. You asked them to come in, but you don’t have time to talk to them as another guest is coming in. So you welcome your guest, shake their hand, let go and move on to greeting your next guest. It’s like a procession: you don’t linger, you focus on one person at the time, just be with one present moment at a time. This is the right kind of patience.

So here’s what my thoughts behave- they try to come in all at once, they run and rush, and push each other and shout and jump and they all want to be inside at the same time. I can’t control how many of them will arrive, but it’s up to me to ensure how they come in, how I let them in. And it’s easier said than done. To greet, acknowledge and welcome them in my ‘house’ and be kind to them ,especially they cause some pain,  is a challenge- and a choice- but I can’t ignore them- that’s the present moment.

2.   ‘Waiting in the future : waiting for something to happen, waiting for…. [whatever]’. And that’s why when people  meditate sometimes, nothing happens. This kind of patience is the opposite to being in the present moment. This is not the right kind of patience. Don’t ex-pect, but in-spect what’s going on in the present moment.
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To meditate is to go nowhere… It’s emptiness. Vanishing. Stillness.

Have you ever thought about what ‘nowhere’ means? I surely haven’t till Ajahn enlightened me (pun intended…). It means ‘nowhere‘ ! When I’m ‘nowhere’ I’m ‘now‘ – ‘here‘…Short. Sweet. Profound. Emptiness. Vanishing. Stillness. How come I’ve never noticed it?

I wasn’t following the guidance all the time, but I noticed that my mind felt calmer than the last time I tried to meditate in silence.  Ha,  just a little change, yet I felt it. It’s ok to be guided from time to time. It’s ok to be a receiver. It’s ok not to be perfect.

Another year… wiser

Another year in my life has passed. Last year I did a little summary of what had happened to me since  my previous birthday .I decided I liked this idea, so I’m going to do it again 🙂

A surprise birthday cake from my colleagues – so lucky to have met such thoughtful and kind people 🙂

Since my last  birthday:

  • I’ve kept up with my daily meditations
  • I completed my diploma (yay!)
  • I started a new online job
  • I started doing a Masters Degree, which I really enjoy despite some ups and downs.
  • I’ve completed Mindfulness Based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course at Oxford Mindfulness centre
  • I’ve become a mentor for University of Leiden on Coursera
  • I moved out of the Buddhist community
  • I went back to China  and thoroughly enjoyed it  🙂
  • I went to Poland – unplanned, but very welcomed trip 🙂
  • I got a new job at a new -for me – UK University
  • I’ve written my first journal article (ok, that was my uni submission, but yet, first time 🙂 )
  • I’ve continued to meet interesting, crazy and kind people.

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And in my last year’s post I mentioned assertiveness.  I feel that I’ve not stopped developing it and my overall confidence has grown too. I’m not saying it’s all easy and not scary- far from that at times, but I enjoy pushing through those uncomfortable feelings and emotions, especially when I feel that I’ll be better off on ‘the other side of fear’.

Crazy and busy year, but have learnt a lot!

Happy birthday to me 😀 

 

On gratitude

Recently I’ve had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I started paying more attention to what I have and noticed that  gratitude is something that arises pretty much on its own, there’s no need to force it.

I’m feeling grateful for little and ‘big’ things in my life:

  • for having a roof over my head, feeling warm, having food and clean running water, bed, clothes;
  • for my health, even though sometimes I need to attend to it a bit more that I would’ve expected. I’ve noticed that any dip in my health brings out some important message that I need to listen to, which is not necessarily directly health-related;
  • for access to education, my intelligence and desire to learn. I’m so grateful I can read and write and can speak and/or understand more than one language;
  • for having jobs that I really enjoy doing and for professional development opportunities;
  • for  freedom of choice, movement, speech; the fact I can vote;
  • for my family and friends.

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Although I put people at the bottom of that list, it doesn’t mean they are the least important thing in my life. Very often I find myself struggle to comprehend how lucky I am having so many wonderful, kind and fantastic people in my life. I’m not sometimes sure how it happened that our paths have crossed, but sure I’m very very grateful for it 🙂 Sometimes I catch myself thinking what I’ve done to deserve having them in my life, but then, does it really matter? They’re a part of my life and I’m feeling grateful.

So to all my friends and family, my acquaintances, colleagues, neighbours and strangers, who in one way or the other have had an impact on my life : I feel very lucky and very grateful that I’ve been experiencing my life journey with you. Thank you for being here 🙂